She Already Knows
The Wise Woman Living Just Under Your Skin
You're feeling stuck, frustrated, and unsure of your next move. At the risk of being a wee bit woo-woo, I invite you to a REFRAME: trust the whisper of wisdom just under your skin, your inner mentor, because she already knows what you need to do.
She's been watching you ask others for advice, read articles that send you down rabbit holes, and make endless pro/con lists. She waits patiently as you poll your people, each response leaving you more confused than when you started.
Here's what I've learned after making my own career pivot at age 54 and coaching hundreds of high-achieving professionals: You're not confused. You already know what to do. You're just too busy listening to everyone else to hear yourself.
The Voice You've Been Missing
If you've read my posts about my Crabby Roommate or Sister Mary Francis, you know all about the inner critic. She's LOUD. She's the 24/7 commentary track: "You're going to screw this up. Everyone will think you're an idiot. Just stay safe and don't risk it." She keeps you spinning, second-guessing, paralyzed.
But there's another voice—quieter, calmer, certain. I call her your Inner Mentor, though honestly, she's just you when you're not drowning in everyone else's opinions. She's the one who shows up in those rare still moments: "You know what you need to do. That thing you keep dismissing? That's actually the answer."
Same brain. Two very different perspectives. One is running on fear and old programming. The other is running on truth. The problem? She doesn't yell. So you miss her.
When I Finally Stopped Being Confused
I was in my early 50s, completely overwhelmed by a decision I'd been circling for months: Should I leave my 32-year career in academia? It had been an identity I carried for 3 decades. I asked everyone for their opinion, which only clouded my thinking. I felt stuck, frustrated, and completely unsure of what to do next. Then one day, while trying to meditate (which I was terrible at), I had ONE very clear thought: It's time to leave and do what you love….Go back to school and become a certified coach.
Immediately, my inner critic pushed back with concerns about failure, embarrassment, and irresponsibility. But that other voice—the calm, knowing one—didn't argue. She just knew this had been calling me all along; the mentoring, the teaching, the curriculum development- everything I had done had led me to this blessed opportunity to trust that everything I needed was already inside. So I listened, believed, and bet on myself. I enrolled in a year-long coach training program. It changed my life; the overwhelm disappeared and I flew, launching a new career path. Not because I had all the answers, but because I was finally doing what I knew I should be doing. People showed up to help. Opportunities appeared. The path became clear—not because I figured it all out first, but because I finally listened to the wisdom inside myself.
The Problem
Often, we feel off because we are out of alignment with our truth. It's not that you lack information. You lack stillness. When do you sit in silence and check in with yourself? Not while scrolling. Not while driving. Not while simultaneously cooking dinner and answering emails. When you are quiet and still with yourself, you hear the whispers of your soul. Most of us go weeks—months—without five minutes of asking ourselves: "If I weren't scared, what would I choose?" And then we wonder why we feel confused. You're not confused. You're just too busy to hear yourself think.
How to Hear Her (It's Simpler Than You Think)
Here’s a REFRAMING practice: Stop collecting more opinions. You have enough information and you’ve read enough—What you don't have is clarity, and more input won't give you that. Get five minutes of actual quiet daily. No phone. No TV. No podcast. Just sit. Put your hand on your heart and say your own name. Then ask: "What do I actually know about this situation?"
Listen for the calm voice. Your inner critic feels panicky, urgent, mean—she keeps you confused because confusion keeps you safe from taking action. Your Inner Mentor feels calm, certain, kind—like settling into truth. The critic makes your chest tight. She helps you breathe deeper. When you actually get quiet and listen, you already know: which opportunity feels right and which feels forced, what's draining you and what energizes you, the boundary you need to set, the thing you keep calling "impractical" that's actually your path.
Finding Your Wise Woman
So how do you connect with her? Start with evidence that she's already there. Look through your camera roll right now. Find a photo where you feel completely at home with yourself—not your most Instagram-worthy shot, but a moment when you weren't performing. Don't look for perfect—look for present.
Or, if that doesn't work for you: Think of an older woman you admire—your grandmother, a mentor, a friend who's weathered life's storms with grace (and grit). Someone whose wisdom you trust. When you're stuck, ask yourself: "What would she say to me right now?" Often, the answer that comes is your own inner mentor speaking through the voice of someone you respect.
That woman in your authentic moment—whether in a photo or in your memory? She's your inner mentor—the wise woman who lives just under your skin.
Your Check-In Practice
When life throws you a curveball, keep that photo handy and use this quick process:
1. Look at your photo. Remember who you are when you're not spinning out.
2. Put your hand on your heart. Take three deep breaths.
3. Ask: What's the difficult situation? What does my inner critic say? What does my inner mentor know?
4. Listen with your whole being, not just your mind. Her voice is simple, feels like love, and often surprises you.
She's been waiting to guide you home to yourself all along.
Start This Week: Five minutes of quiet. Daily. Hand on heart. Say your name. Ask: "What do I actually know?"
Then listen for her whisper—not the loud, panicky voice, but the calm, certain one underneath. She's not magical or mystical. She's just you when you're not drowning in everyone else's opinions. And she knows exactly what you need to do. You just have to get quiet enough to hear her.
Just imagine what will be possible when you stop asking everyone else for answers and start listening to what you already know. A little dash of "woo-woo" can indeed yield insight and momentum!
Trusting the whisper,
💫Andrea
Chief Reframing Officer @ Beyond the Reframe
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I'm Andrea Mein DeWitt—a leadership coach, author, and self-proclaimed warrior in recovery who helps bold souls reclaim their power and unleash their full potential. After transforming my 32-year career in education into a dynamic coaching practice, I now guide people through my signature NAME, CLAIM AND REFRAME® methodology.
My book Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life was featured on the TODAY Show as 2023's best motivational read. Writing from the foggy San Francisco Bay Area, I believe that life's challenges are invitations to discover who you're meant to be.
