The Power of Hell No
How to Hold Fast to Your Boundaries
(Even When It's Uncomfortable)
Ever wonder why you find yourself saying "Yes, of course!" when you really mean "HELL NO"?
This is the voice of your inner critic—worried about whether you're liked, if you've disappointed someone, or how you can avoid any kind of conflict. Sound familiar?
Most of us have a people-pleasing, "do-good" voice that lives inside our heads. (You're not the ONLY one with an inner critic, meet one of mine).
But what if you could begin to practice the art of gracefully taking your power back with the word NO—instead of saying a reluctant "yes" to something you don't want to do?
When Yes Becomes a Trap
"I hate every minute of it," my client confessed about the neighborhood holiday party she'd volunteered to organize for the fifth year in a row. "But I'm afraid if I don't do it, people will think I'm selfish."
So she said yes. Again. And spent last December exhausted and resentful, missing out on the quiet, cozy holiday she actually craved. That's the YES trap—when saying yes to others means saying no to yourself.
Whether we're worried about what others will think or we genuinely believe we can do it all, falling into the YES trap leaves us feeling depleted, resentful, and exhausted. More importantly, choosing to say YES may be preventing us from living the life we actually want to live.
Why "No" Feels So Dangerous
Here's what's really happening when you can't say no: Your inner critic is more rooted in the fear of not being loved than in protecting your energetic boundaries. It believes that your worth is directly tied to your usefulness, your agreeableness, your ability to never disappoint anyone.
But here's the truth: When you decide to CLAIM yourself, you're bound to disappoint others.
I know this is hard to hear, but that doesn't make it any less true.
It's an internal battle between your willingness to sit in the uncomfortable experience of saying a kind-but-clear "HELL NO" versus surrendering your truth to someone else's expectations.
The Cost of Constant Yes
Have you noticed how NOT saying "NO" impacts quality time with yourself, your family, your health, and your stress levels?
You're being pulled at both ends—stretched between everyone else's expectations while your own needs keep slipping further away. Maybe you haven't had a weekend to yourself in months. Every Saturday and Sunday filled with obligations you said yes to but didn't actually want. Helping friends move. Attending events that drain you. Volunteering for committees you don't care about. You're so busy being helpful that you've forgotten what you actually enjoy doing.
When you can't say no, you will continue to be overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time. Your calendar becomes a monument to everyone else's priorities while your own dreams collect dust.
"No is a complete sentence."
— Anne Lamott
NO is a powerful word because it gives you a definite sense of self. Saying a kind-but-clear "NO" is an ideal opportunity to rediscover your priorities and sense of who you are. It's a chance to honor what matters most to you. While spreading kindness throughout the world is certainly a good idea, being generous at your own expense is NOT.
Part of living an authentic life is about NAMING the limiting beliefs that keep you from setting boundaries and acknowledging that your truth may not match someone else's expectations.
When It's Okay to Say No
Here's your permission slip. It's okay to say NO when:
You're stressed or overwhelmed
You're already doing too much
You're tired or sick
It's someone else's issue to solve
You feel taken for granted
It's something you don't want to do
There's something you'd MUCH rather do
It steps on your values and boundaries
You deserve or need some time to yourself
Read that list again. Then read it one more time.
These aren't exceptions. These are legitimate reasons—every single one of them.
The Connection to Your Core Values
The essential ingredient for learning to say "NO" is understanding and honing in on your core values.
When we can identify what we value and why we value it, it's much easier to create boundaries around our goals, needs, and time. Values give you the clarity to know when a yes is truly aligned and when it's just people-pleasing in disguise.
What if you could get in touch with what's important so that saying "NO" meant saying "YES" to the things that matter most in your life? That's not selfish. That's self-sovereignty.
The Practice of Self-Sovereignty
Name, Claim, and Reframe® is about infusing every part of your life with more ease, flow, and integrity. It's about self-sovereignty, which begins with NOTICING and separating yourself from the motivations and behaviors of an inner voice more concerned with being liked than with honoring your truth.
Self-sovereignty means:
Recognizing when you're about to fall into the YES trap
Pausing before you automatically agree
Checking in with your values and energy levels
Choosing consciously rather than reacting from fear
Whether you learn to say "NO" more often or just learn to say "YES" on your own terms, it's time to release yourself from the burden of pleasing others. It's time to give yourself the time and freedom to BE and DO what matters MOST to you.
Take the Hell No Challenge!
What will you say a HELL NO to this month?
You can start by practicing a small "no thank you" and build up your confidence from there.
What will you say a HOLY YES to this month to honor YOURSELF and the life you want to live?
The more you bring your answers to these questions to the forefront of your mind, the more consciously you can take aligned steps forward.
Finding Your Hell No
Noticing when you feel pressured to say YES helps you begin to practice saying—and standing in the power of—NO. Start small if you need to:
"No, I can't make that meeting."
"No, I'm not available that weekend."
"No, I need to prioritize something else right now."
Notice that you did not explain—you simply said a kind but clear, no, thank you. The incredible feeling of gracefully taking your power back will always feel better than saying a reluctant "yes" to something you don't want to do. And here's the beautiful part: The more you practice saying no to what depletes you, the more energy you have for what truly lights you up.
Celebrating your courage to disappoint the right people,
💫 Andrea
Chief Reframing Officer @ Beyond the Reframe
P.S. My beloved mentor (and the writer of my book's foreword!), Tanya Geisler, reminds us: "Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD." This is an incredible reminder that you have a CHOICE—so why not say "No, thank you!" to anything that takes you OUT of integrity with yourself?
Ready to transform your perspective and your leadership from the inside out?
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I'm Andrea Mein DeWitt—a leadership coach, author, and self-proclaimed warrior in recovery who helps bold souls reclaim their power and unleash their full potential. After transforming my 32-year career in education into a dynamic coaching practice, I now guide people through my signature NAME, CLAIM AND REFRAME® methodology.
My book Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life was featured on the TODAY Show as 2023's best motivational read. Writing from the foggy San Francisco Bay Area, I believe that life's challenges are invitations to discover who you're meant to be.
