Let Them Talk
Thriving Without Universal Approval
The Reality Check
You've just finished sharing an idea in a meeting that you're genuinely excited about. As you speak, you notice one colleague's subtle eye roll. Later, when someone else presents a nearly identical concept, this same person enthusiastically supports it with, "Now that's a great approach!"
Sound familiar?
We've all been there—that moment when you realize someone simply doesn't like you or what you bring to the table. Maybe it's the way they suddenly change the subject when you speak, or how they "forget" to include you in important conversations, or those backhanded compliments that feel more like tiny daggers: "That's impressive... for someone at your level."
What makes these moments so unsettling isn't just the rejection—it's the way they make us question ourselves. Did I say something wrong? Am I not good enough? Should I try harder to win their approval?
Why It Stings (And Why That's Normal)
When someone doesn't support us, it triggers our most primal need: belonging. We're wired for connection - it's how our ancestors survived. So, when someone rejects us, our brain registers it almost like physical pain. But here's the liberating REFRAME: The people who don't get you create space for those who will.
How to Shift Your Perspective with Three Simple Questions
When you sense someone isn't supporting you, pause and ask yourself these questions:
1. "What am I seeking from this person that I can give myself?"
Often, we look to others for validation we can actually provide ourselves. When that colleague dismisses your ideas in meetings, ask yourself: are you seeking their permission to trust your own judgment? That's something only you can give yourself.
2. "What might be happening in their world that has nothing to do with me?"
Remember: other people's reactions are filtered through their own experiences, fears, and insecurities. That person who keeps undermining your suggestions? I later learned they'd been passed over for a promotion after suggesting similar changes. Their resistance wasn't about me—it was protective armor from past wounds.
3. "Who are my true supporters, and how can I focus more energy there?"
Instead of trying to win over those who don't see your value, redirect your attention to those who do. Create a "Yum and Yay Folder" filled with notes, messages, and mementos from people who truly see you and value your contributions. Revisit your collection when you need a reminder of your impact, and intentionally nurture these affirming relationships. *(I learned this incredible tool from leadership coach, Tanya Geisler)
The Freedom That Follows
When you release the need for everyone's approval, you discover something powerful: the space to be authentically yourself. This isn't just freeing—it's how you find your people and your purpose. AND being disliked by some people isn't a flaw - it's a sign that you're living with enough authenticity to have a distinct presence in the world. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be someone's favorite champagne than everyone's mediocre cup of tea?
Freedom begins when pleasing others ends!
Here's to your beautiful liberation.
✨ Andrea
The Global Authority on Cognitive Reframing
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