Practicing Energy Hygiene
How to Protect Your Most Precious Resource
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."
— Anne Lamott
My friend and colleague Sheila Whitescorn uses the term "practicing energy hygiene," and I can't think of a more perfect way to describe the daily maintenance required to keep your energy sacred.
Just like we brush our teeth and wash our hands to prevent physical illness, we need rituals and boundaries to prevent energetic depletion. Because the truth is: not everyone deserves unlimited access to your energy.
Ever Been Bitten by an Energy Vampire?
You know the feeling. You walk away from a conversation feeling completely drained, like someone just pulled your plug and watched all your vitality spiral down the drain.
Energy vampires are people who boost their own energy by taking energy from others—via an argument, criticism, belittlement, or just a very one-sided conversation. You step away from the interaction feeling depleted, invisible, and what I call "energetically slimed."
A client recently described a coworker this way: "Every time she corners me in the break room, I feel like I need a shower afterward. She spends twenty minutes complaining about everything, never asks me a single question, and then walks away refreshed while I'm exhausted."
That's an energy vampire.
The Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Signs
You might have a coworker who brags about accomplishments and downplays the contributions of others. Maybe you know a drama queen who takes up unreasonable amounts of your time and overshares relentlessly. Perhaps there's someone in your life who only calls when they need something—never to check in, never to celebrate your wins, only to extract your emotional labor.
While not everyone qualifies as a full-blown energy vampire, some people just project more negative energy out into the world. And if you're an empathetic, generous person (which I'm guessing you are, or you wouldn't be reading this), you're particularly vulnerable to their bite.
Here's how to recognize when you've encountered one:
⚠️ There's a tightening in your chest when a certain person calls you
⚠️ You feel exhausted or "energetically slimed" after interactions
⚠️ You find yourself dreading seeing their name pop up on your phone
⚠️ You notice yourself making excuses to avoid them
⚠️ You feel invisible in conversations—like you're just a warm body for them to talk at
Your body knows before your brain does. Trust those signals.
When the Energy Vampire Has a Platform
I recently had an experience that brought this into sharp focus.
I was invited to be a guest on a podcast. Early on in what was supposed to be a "casual conversation," it became very clear that the host had no interest in promoting my book, my message, or my work as a leadership coach. She spent the majority of the podcast talking about herself—her corporate career, her midlife pivot, her leadership program.
Although I had thoughtfully filled out her intake form, my impression was that she hadn't read it or had any interest in learning about my work. She would take my words about the Name, Claim & Reframe® methodology, regurgitate them to her own liking, and then pivot the conversation back to herself. She didn't ask questions. She didn't dig deeper. She just needed a live person to talk at.
The difference between a good interview and a poor one is curiosity—where the host genuinely listens and explores topics that create intrigue for listeners. This woman did not do her research. Her only goal in having me as a guest was to have someone validate her own perspective.
I've appeared on dozens of podcasts, and most of those experiences have been fabulous. Hosts who do their research, ask thoughtful questions, and create space for genuine dialogue. But this experience reminded me: dissonant experiences clarify who we are at the core and what matters most.
Even in professional settings, energy vampires exist. And we're allowed to walk away.
What Are YOUR Energy Zappers?
Energy vampires are just one type of energy zapper. But there are others—some of them living quietly in the corners of your life, slowly draining you without you even noticing.
Energy zappers are the things that plague your mind and weigh down your heart. They keep us from stepping into the best version of ourselves.
Zappers can be:
The "shoulds" you carry around like stones in your pockets
Clutter (physical and emotional) that reminds you of unfinished business
Unmet needs you keep pushing aside
Crossed boundaries you haven't addressed
Half-finished projects that nag at you
Unresolved issues or lingering guilt
Relationships that drain more than they sustain
Decisions you keep avoiding
In other words: life. The accumulated weight of things we haven't dealt with. The secret is in noticing what's zapping you and being willing to let it go—or at the very least, loosening its grip on your life.
The Art of Letting Go
A client once told me, "I know I need to let go of my anger at my sister, but I don't know how."
Here's what I told her: You don't need to know HOW to let go. You just need to be WILLING.
Letting go doesn't mean we condone a situation or behavior. It's about lightening OUR load. When we let go of whatever is bothering us, we set ourselves free—and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves.
And while you can't change the past, you can learn from it and change how you feel going forward.
Remember: Whatever you find hardest to let go of is probably what you need to let go of the most.
Your Energy Hygiene Toolkit
No matter what type of energy vampire you're dealing with, you're allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We're afraid of being impolite because we don't want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to protect your energy without being cruel.
Recognize the Signs: Notice when your energy feels drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical reactions. Trust your body's wisdom. It's telling you the truth.
Set Boundaries: Know what types of activities work well and which ones might trap you. Maybe meeting for coffee could be bearable, but inviting that person to your home is just too risky. Set clear beginning and end times. Say, "I have 30 minutes before my next call," and then honor that boundary.
Lower Expectations: If you're dealing with a narcissist, know that these people are incapable of showing empathy toward others. Don't expect them to offer support or sympathy. Avoid bearing your soul so you can protect yourself from feeling disappointed when they don't meet you with love and compassion.
Tell a Little White Lie: When an energy vampire tries to bend your ear, tell them you feel under the weather or are pressed for time. They're looking for any warm body who has energy to give back, and your little white lie gives you a safe escape route.
Be a Stone Wall: Act like a stone wall by not giving them your energy. If you don't give them the response they're fishing for (your open ear, your sympathy, your support), they'll lose interest and move on to someone else.
Know the Difference Between "Venting" and "Dumping": Everybody needs to voice frustration now and again. That's venting—someone who is accountable for their actions and is looking for help with a solution. Dumping is different. That's someone on an unintelligible rant, someone who wants to unload their toxic feelings onto you without taking any responsibility. Don't be afraid to set a time limit so you can politely excuse yourself from their deluge.
Limit Your Exposure: If they're someone you can't avoid (like a boss or family member), limit contact. If it's an ex-spouse you co-parent with, communicate as little as possible and use technology to your advantage. Text or use a messaging app rather than making plans over the phone.
Don't Overreact: Remain cool, calm, and collected. Losing your composure can cause an energy vampire to escalate and make you feel worse about yourself. Your calm is your power.
Learn the Power of NO: No is a sentence in and of itself. It's okay to not invite toxic people to interact with you. And it's okay to say a polite "No thank you" to anyone who depletes your energy. You can say it in a nice way and still be a loving, compassionate person who is holding an energetic boundary.
A Simple Practice: The Energy Zapper Inventory
Try this reflection:
Make a list of what you're holding onto, what slows you down, what riles you up, and anything that keeps you from being your best self.
Then pick just ONE energy zapper you can release or let go of right now.
Maybe it's:
Finally having that boundary conversation
Declining the next coffee invitation from that draining person
Clearing out the closet that's been nagging at you
Forgiving yourself for that thing from three years ago
Deleting that person's number from your phone
Once we begin to clear the things that drain us, we free up energy to do what we really want.
While you may not need to do anything about your entire list right now, just acknowledging the things that zap your energy will raise your level of awareness and help you begin to unweight its burden on your life.
Your Energy, Your Choice
When it comes to looking out for your well-being around energy vampires and energy zappers, you're not being selfish—you're practicing self-sovereignty.
You're choosing to take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else.
You're recognizing that your energy is finite and precious, and that you get to decide who and what deserves access to it.
Practicing good energy hygiene means daily maintenance. It means noticing when something or someone is draining you and taking action. It means being willing to let go of what no longer serves you, even when it's uncomfortable. Your energy is your most precious resource. Guard it accordingly.
So tell me: What's zapping your energy right now? And more importantly—what are you willing to let go of today?
Celebrating your courage to keep your energy sacred,
💫 Andrea
The Global Authority on Cognitive Reframing
P.S. For more on boundaries and energy management, explore the concepts in Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life and work through the practical exercises in The Name, Claim & Reframe Workbook.
Special thanks to my friend and colleague Sheila Whitescorn for the beautiful term "energy hygiene."
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I'm Andrea Mein DeWitt—a leadership coach, author, and self-proclaimed warrior in recovery who helps bold souls reclaim their power and unleash their full potential. After transforming my 32-year career in education into a dynamic coaching practice, I now guide people through my signature NAME, CLAIM AND REFRAME® methodology.
My book Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life was featured on the TODAY Show as 2023's best motivational read. Writing from the foggy San Francisco Bay Area, I believe that life's challenges are invitations to discover who you're meant to be.
