Getting Right with Your Authentic Self — Finally.
Me circa 1978
She’s been waiting for you to love her, and I am convinced that the peace we begin to feel in midlife is really about finally loving our 16-year-old selves. Meet mine. A shy cheerleader who was also a relentless overachiever — always the first to volunteer, last to complain, and quietly terrified that none of it would ever be quite enough. She smiled through the tricky parts and showed up, working harder than anyone asked her to. But underneath all of it, she carried a quiet, persistent whisper that she still wasn't measuring up. No matter what she did.
What were YOU like at 16?
“Midlife is about making peace with who you were at 16 — and loving her this time.”
This birthday month, as I step comfortably into age 64, I keep returning to a song that found me at just the right time — Till It Shines, written by Bob Seger and performed with a worn, soulful grace by Lyle Lovett and Keb’ Mo’. The title says everything: not “make it perfect,” not “fix it” — just tend to it, patiently, until it shines.
That's the work. And the secret. Isn't it? For most of us, the path to loving ourselves from the inside out doesn’t start with a spa day or positive affirmations. It starts with going back — back to the version of you who first decided she wasn’t enough — and telling her the truth.
The truth is: she was braver than she knew. Smarter than she believed. And doing the best she could with the gifts she was still refining. And she has been patiently waiting — for decades, in some cases — for you to come back and make it right by telling her the things she needs to hear, from a wiser you, now.
What “loving yourself from the inside out” actually means:
It’s not about confidence tricks or loving your body in the mirror (though that’s a lovely bonus). It’s about getting honest about the story you’ve been telling yourself — and deciding whether it’s still true.
Here's where to start. Three questions — just for her:
NAME — What limiting belief about yourself has lived the longest? Where did it come from — and is it actually yours?
CLAIM— What did that younger version of you need to hear — and never did? Write her a letter. I promise, she’ll write back.
REFRAME— What becomes possible when you decide that girl was always enough — and so are you?
The imperfections, the awkward phases, the choices you’d do differently — they’re not evidence against you. They’re the whole, wonderfully complicated story of how you became who you are.
Growth is a dance, not a light switch. And that girl in the cheerleading uniform? She deserves a partner who finally knows the steps.
What would you tell your 16-year-old self today?
Still cheering (for you),
📣Andrea
Chief Reframing Officer at Beyond the Reframe
P.S. Send me a reply…I’d love to hear your wisdom.
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I'm Andrea Mein DeWitt—author, Professional Certified Coach, and self-proclaimed warrior in recovery. After 32 years in education, I transformed my career in my early 50s and now help high achievers stop forcing their way through life and start living it. I write from the San Francisco Bay Area, where I live with my husband Bill, our yellow lab Maggie, and a perfectionist inner critic I've learned to befriend (mostly)."
My book Name, Claim & Reframe: Your Path to a Well-Lived Life was featured on NBC's TODAY Show as 2023's best motivational read. The audiobook just dropped on Audible, because transformation shouldn't require sitting still.
