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There is grace in accepting compliments. Whether it a kind word about your appearance or a colleague praising a job well done, we often struggle to accept positive acknowledgments. Some of us even bat them away suspiciously, like skilled goalies, never allowing ourselves the opportunity to soak in the praise. What is it about compliments that make us so uncomfortable? I used to be a very skilled blocker of praise, wary of its sincerity, and quick to insert a self-deprecating comment to further disprove the recognition. I either didn’t process the compliment or I didn’t feel worthy of it. My mother, who basks in the joy of both giving and receiving compliments, has always said: “When someone is giving you a compliment, NEVER interrupt!” This pragmatic approach to praise is wise and over the years has helped me to create a new practice and perspective around how to navigate compliments when I am fortunate enough to receive one. TRY ON SOME NEW COMPLIMENT PERSPECTIVES! Compliments not only feel good, but they also give us information about what is working and how we are seen in the world. Let’s say you have been working hard to drop a few Shelter-in-Place pounds. The compliment you are receiving tells you that your hard work is paying off, and people are noticing. Everyone has gifts to share with the world. When we receive compliments about things that are easy for us, we tend to devalue them. What if we instead paused to notice that we are being praised for a talent that we may take for granted? You are worthy…Let people admire your gifts. For example, maybe you are admired for your exceptional organizational skills, your ability to do mental math, or your steady leadership during stressful situations. We all have superpowers, and compliments remind us of what makes us unique in the world. And the cherry on top, when we are acknowledged for something that took great effort, we can truly celebrate the accomplishment and the new talents we are developing.
Receiving praise allows us to practice our listening skills. Think of being receptive as your “gift to the giver,” because you are hearing and accepting (with grace) their kind remark. It’s like playing a conversational game of catch. When we refuse to accept a compliment, it’s kind of like dropping the ball. Think about how you feel when someone doesn’t hear or accept your effort to praise them. Receiving a compliment is polite, and all that’s needed in return is a simple “thank you.” Compliments can also provide insight into the person giving us the feedback. What might their compliment tell you about their values or perceptions of the world? For example, if a “foodie friend” compliments your cooking, you could choose to take in that your culinary skills are on the rise. The keyword here is “choose”; this tool can also be used with criticism because it allows you to take the “useful feedback” and disregard the parts that may not serve you. Let’s say that your gift of homemade soup to a sick friend was criticized for being a bit too spicy. This feedback may not have anything to do with your culinary talent, but it does tell you something about your friend’s taste preferences for future reference. Research further backs up the benefits of not only accepting but giving compliments. Compliments can lift moods, and people who receive praise on their performance tend to improve on it more than people who receive no compliments. In turn, giving a compliment can enhance a social interaction by creating warmth and interpersonal connection. But BEWARE, faux compliments are likely to have the opposite effect. The catch?… Compliments that are perceived as insincere run the risk of undermining the positive effects of being praised and may even decrease trust…YIKES! Lean into kindness and honesty, and you can’t go wrong. The bottom line, compliments communicate with those around you what you appreciate and what’s working.
Learning how to accept compliments graciously is just as important as learning how to give them. So, do your part and STOP dodging compliments. By learning to receive them with grace, you are helping to bring more appreciation and gratitude into the world! Wishing you an August full of expanded perspectives! ~Andrea
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