5 STEPS TO A MINDFUL REJECTIONProfessional rejection is never easy, and it has the power to send us to a dark place where we wallow in self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. BUT… what if you are on the other side of the situation? Being the rejector isn’t any easier, especially if you’re trying to cushion the blow and respect the other person’s integrity. This past month, I’ve been shopping my book (Name, Claim and Reframe ™ -The Pathway to a Well-Lived Life.) around to literary agents and publishers. While rebuffs are common for writers, I wasn’t prepared for a rejection that was eloquent, kind, honest, and helpful. Even though the literary agent said no thank you to my book proposal, she offered detailed and specific feedback, sharing what she liked about my background, my writing, and the project. She was also honest about why she was saying “No thank you” (small niche market). I walked away from the experience feeling seen and heard with great feedback to strengthen my pitch going forward, which is remarkable because she rejected my proposal. Because all have to deliver bad news sometimes, below are FIVE key ingredients to a mindful rejection: 1. BE HONEST Honesty is the best policy. The key is to be direct, but gentle with your word choices by creating a kindness sandwich; Insert the reason you are rejecting the offer between two (or more) positive statements. “There was a lot that I admired about____ I was also impressed by______ And yet despite the project’s strengths, I’m afraid that I have reservations about _______ Thanks so much for the opportunity to, I enjoyed _______ and I wish you the best of luck”
2. PREPARE YOURSELF As nice as you try to be when you reject someone your words have the potential to make the other person feel bad. Be mentally prepared that your message may not be well received. If the person gets upset, don't feed into it, or argue back. Receive their emotion with compassion and be open to questions, concerns, and positive or negative feedback. "If you have questions or concerns, I'm free and willing to listen." 3. STICK WITH "I" STATEMENTS Whatever the reason for your veto, it’s a good idea NOT to open the conversation by pointing out all the faults or issues that are leading you to reject them. All this will do is inflame the situation and make it more hurtful. It’s always best to approach a rejection from an "it's not you, it's me" approach: “I’m afraid I would not be the best advocate for this project because…”, “I don't think this position showcases your talents" or “I am looking for someone with more hands-on project management experience for this role”.
4. YOUR FEELING OF DREAD IS NORMAL Being nervous before you reject someone can often make the deed seem even more daunting. Accept that it is normal to feel anxious before you deliver bad news. No one wants to hurt another person. Making difficult decisions and delivering bad news is all part of being a mature adult, so don't be afraid to do what you need to do.
5. AVOID PUTTING IT OFF There is never a "right time" when it comes to rejecting someone, but you're best off taking action rather than waiting. Procrastination consumes valuable energy that you could be using for something else and the more time that passes, the more difficult it becomes to do the right thing. Offer a solution or alternative. "I can recommend a few people who …. I can also . . ." Showing respect and giving them time and tools to recover helps the person move on.
Learning how to deliver a kind but clear rejection is an important part of asserting yourself and setting energetic boundaries. You know what's best for you and that means turning people down when their wants don’t match where you are headed. Learning to say a resolute NO preserves the resources you need to BE the best possible YOU. So go ahead stand confidently in ‘NO THANK YOU” this month and watch how much more space you have to dance more in your own special magic. 🧡Andrea
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